Path to Definition and Purpose...or is it Porpoise?

OK
So I said I was gonna do this so I might as well...Just Do It! (Thank you Shia LaBeouf!)

So we all have to go from one place to get to the next.
We all have to go from 'There' to get to 'Here.'
It's not easy because we don't Know where are respective 'There' and 'Here' really are.
It changes for every individual. It's a...chore or a massive ordeal or, for some, an opera,
to even start the trek. But we all do it and some of us need to do it more than others.
I needed to go through everything I have gone through - living it Los Angeles and being
miserable, traveling across the country with the hope of a new and better life, that hope
fizzling out like a dud sparkler or firecracker, wallowing through the muck and refuse of
my depression anxiety and loneliness - all to get to My 'Here.'
My Better Here.
 - Cool current job. McEnroe's Organic Farm (look it up). Working in the market with
a very small staff of people who...
...all would be fired from Trader Joe's within a month for various reasons,
mostly laziness, working hungover Con-sis-tant-ly and not doing the job.
They are cool people but their work ethic is non-existent. And they all think they
work really hard at their job...while complaining to their friends or texting on their cellphones. The job itself is like Joe's in that you do Everything in the store and
it's physical so I like it. My body may not like Me after work for all the physical
work I do but it's nothing heating pads or cold packs can't fix.
 - I have OFFICIALLY lost 110 pounds!
YEAH BABY! Do You SEE ME?! Do I make you randy Bobby-uhhh-Baby!? YEEEAAAAHHH!
MAJOR point! Feels Great! I can Move, sleep, I don't feel like a troll
or waste of a person.I still have 50 pounds....or more...to loose but
this is Still an AWESOME Major post for me!
 - Still have the depression, anxiety and loneliness. I was talking to a coworker
....the cool one...maybe the Only cool one
...and we agreed that, where we live - Millerton, New York (lookitup)-
is not conducive to finding a gf/bf (my case/her case).
As my brother puts it...'it's Hillbilly Country.' Hands down, no bullshit,
100 percent RIGHT!
so I guess working on my weight and other stuff will work for now.
 - still writing. yes, still writing. d/a/l (figure it out) always get in the way
but I'm breaking through it and ideas keep flowing so I keep pushing through.

it's all unexpected but apparent too. Like Avengers: Infinity War.
We all knew it was coming since the first avengers movie.
and it was a slog to get there. It was a Fun Exciting slog but still a slog!
And, yeah, a little bittersweet too once arriving here.
But so is everything and you have to take the pains with the joy,
the sorrow with the happiness, the rough with the smooth.
and if you want your Here to be joyful, happy & smooth
you need to work at it. or, in other words....
...Just Do It! (Thank you again Shia LaBeouf!)

so keep reading. More to come.


That's All for Now, Space - Pals!
Remember: Life is Insane. You're Not!
(coming soon....PORPOISE!)

Too long for an Update!

Hello friends, neighbors and space-persons!

So Yes! TOO long between updates! I shall attempt to remedy That in the future.
In the mean time, let the Updating commence!

SO
I had the hearts tress test and I don't know how it went.
I was supposed to walk/jog/run for a minimum of 12 minutes.
I did 5 minutes. BOOO!
Had the follow-up with the cardiologist and he said
"you need to loose weight."
yeah tell me something I DON'T know!
Overall, the test was fine but they didn't detect anything bad.
He suggested I take baby aspirin and loose weight.
Much like what my primary physician has told me so if 2 out of 2 doctor's say
"loose weight" you know it's the right thing to do.
which I knew already.
Also, the pills for my indigestion have been working well. I do get pains
every so often but it's not as bad and I have been eating healthier so not too many.
I 'm told that I have lost weight although my perception is
 "not enough." So that's the health issue...

On the financial front, I got a GRIP of money back from my taxes
and I have used it to pay off the bills and debts that have been crushing me.
I have a few more to payments to make but they are mostly under control.
Also, I recently applied for a Full Time Shift Leader position for the Front End/
Customer Service department at the Berkshire Co-op Market (where I work)
and I got it!
It's more hours which will mean more money which will help pay
the bills and debts and the like.
Finally, I am in the process of moving from my Nice one bedroom apartment
into a bedroom in my folks house in Millerton, NY (Google that peoples!).
I really like the apartment but I just couldn't keep paying $700 a month
and Not being able to pay my bills. I have been making about $1000 a month
as a cashier at Berkshire Co-op Market.
And, unfortunately, the promotion to shift leader has come After I am moving out!
and I really don't know how much I'll be averaging a month so I figured
'just get out so they have a tenant who can pay rent regularly and you won't be
stressed!'. so out I got.
I will be paying rent or utilities plus groceries at my folks but I will be able to
pay off my bills and debts and then save money to move some place
where I can live on my own.
So that's the financial issue and the job issue...

I have been writing and I'm really Happy about it!
There is another writing contest due in the beginning of June so
I'm gonna submit something. Short story contest.
I hope that, by living at my folks house, I can finish the short stories I have
and maybe one of the novels and finally get Something published!
I will keep y'all's updated with that more often I hope.

SO
That's that and that's all...oops!

That's All for Now, Space - Pals!
Remember: Life is Insane. You're Not!
(next update once I'm all moved in!)

More ACK-Ness!

So after my 50th I had indigestion.
this indigestion has been continuing since then and go so bad that I went to
the emergency room cause I was worried I might be having heart trouble.
This came a week after I almost passed out at work due to lack of food.

Cronologically....02/04 = 50th Birthday
                           02/09 = light-headed/almost passed out at work
                           02/16 = went to ER for heart palpitations and acid reflux
                           02/21 = back to the ER for Acid reflux again
(thank God for medical insurance!)

02/09......I didn't eat at all that day and had half a cup of coffee. Later, I started
having ass pain due to me having hemorrhoids and it was just the right add
of lack of food and pain to make me all lightheaded.
I was still working though! hehe
I went home early and took the next day off too. Killed my pay. PHUKMI.

02/16.....I ate late at night and woke up with a rapid heart beat and pain all
in my chest and nausea. Went to the ER via ambulance. Turned out it was
BAD acid reflux and too much Tums anti-acids (the bottle says no more
than 10 in a 24-hour period. I took over 12 for my indigestion all day long).
They gave me a STRONG anti-acid and relaxer. Took a cab home. Sleep.
Since then I saw my doctor and he prescribed me something for it and told
me what not to eat, the 3 F's = no Fats, Fried, or Fatty Fluids like oils, etc.
SO far ok.

02/21....again, same as 02/16 but I though I had taken too much of the acid
reflux medication. This time I drove myself and it was the same situation.
I have an appointment to see a cardiologist next week for a heart stress test
so that should be....I was gonna say fun but...nope.

So really it's just a matter of figuring out What I can eat and making sure
I eat Often enough. I have to eat something substantial Plus something
with sugar every three to four hours so Lent is pretty much blown for me
this year. PHUKMI.
Also, I have to make sure not to eat too late or I don't get enough sleep.
Hopefully today I will go over my taxes with my brother. I hope to see
'Deadpool' soon but it all depends on money and time.
I am still here and still hopeful that life will get Better. It just takes time.
and hopefully I have that. =)
I'll do another update next week after the cardiology appointment.

That's all for now, Space-Pals!
Remember: Life is Insane. You're Not.

ACK! (post - 50th birthday ugh-ness)

Hello all!

what...the FUCK!?
So last night I ate something that gave me a stomach ache for 3 - 4 hours.
I finally feel asleep due to being too tired to give a shit. I am really tired of my
stupidity when it comes to food and I am REALLY Honestly Happy that Lent
starts this week. Not so much as I can deny myself food but so I can take stock
of the things I want to change in my life and , with God's help, make that change.
To that end I have begun exercising.
Hopefully, This time, I follow through with it and keep it going well into my older
years. Being 50 and Severely overweight is Not a good way to live. Period.
So...we will see what happens. Maybe I'll post pictures.
SPOILERS! - They Wont be pretty!

Anyway, just a short update today.
Got to get the day going and do chores and taxes and exercise and whatever else I
left to do today. No work doesn't mean no work to do.

That's all for Now, Space-Pals!
Remember: Insanity is a state of mind. And I'm the Governor.
You're Not.

Again!? GEEEZ!

Howdy friends and neighbors in the Interwebs out there!

So I have posted about my new job (same as the old job) at Berkshire Coop...
...I have found that many people I work with have the same personalities or types to the ones
at Joe's. There is the struggling musician (many of those), the Quiet ones, the Nice ones, the
conspiracy 'nut', the friendly boss that we don't know what he does all day, the grumpy person
who Barely smiles or enjoys his job, and the Nutcase.
Recently, with the help of friends at work, I have realized that the female Nutcase is trying to
get me interested in her. She IS attractive - yeah I'd do her =) - but I realized that she has problems
and she would be using me for...whatever it is she wanted to use me for...i'm sure it's Not for sex...

Actually I realized this before, myself, but I just wanted some confirmation as to what was going on
cause I haven't been there long - since mid-September of last year - so I didn't know the in's and out's.

Now she is nice and seems nice when she isn't a bitch to her coworkers or moody cause things
didn't go 'her way' or she has to work harder, but...yeah...there is All that Other stuff that makes
me say "yeah No I've been through this and it's poison soooo so are you so No"

I just really wish I could find a woman who Isn't crazy or trying to use me for her selfish means or
is working on her issues to be better for herselfandrealizeswhoIamandthatI'maManandactually
WantsMeforME! AAAHHHHH!

so....there.....yeah.....

also, the job is an hour away and the pay isn't something I can Live off of and I have All these debts
and I feel like I'm choking....AAAAAHHHHHH!
FUCKIT!

anyway
That's all for Now, Space-Pals!
Remember: I'm Insane. You're Not.

Well That didn't work out....

So Obviously I didn't get back to this on Sunday...

So here we are again, another year and another attempt to restart my blog...

so...as I was saying I have a job...

to give some background, I took 2014 off from working to take care of my parents ( my mother is in her 

early 80's and my step-father, who had a stroke a number of years ago, is in his middle 70's ) and to write 

one or more novels. Since that time, I ran out of money, I didn't finish a novel and my folks got better so I 

had to get a job to pay my bills and debts.

So...I have a job...

...it is much like work at Trader Joe's, retail work, but the pay and benefits are significantly less than Joe's.

which makes sense cause I was at Joe's for almost 20 years and and I've been at this current job since 

September 18th of 2015. It is at the Berkshire Co-op Market in Great Barrington, MA and it takes about

and hour to get to work, so two hours total travel time a day. This comes out to $40 in gas a week so $160 

a month which blows cause I don't make more than $13 an hour and work less than 30 hours a week.

so yes Mucho Suckage right now.

It's a Good job working with Cool people ( a few of the women are HAWT! hehe ) but the gas money per 

month is Killing me. So I am looking for something closer to home...

I've been writing consistently (30 minutes a day) since the beginning of the year and it's made me Very Happy! I feel like something is actually coming together and it feels nature and organic.

Maybe when I get home today I will say more here...

What day is it? What Year?

Holy Crap!
Yes two years since my last post hopefully More and more Frequent posts this year.
Really quick because I must go to work
Yes on a Sunday
Blows
So...have a job one hour from my home, I like it but it's far away and costly to travel to and from
So looking for another similar closer job
Too bad cause they are cool people but finances and all
Health is eh
So I'll come back to this maybe later today.