Tuesday, November 20, 2012

log 17

so....the last time i wrote was about a friend and rumors and was at the beginning of 
September so I owe myself a few blogs...
...on this Glorious day, two days before Thanksgiving -  which I NEVER understood
why it's so fucking important to get together with people and eat until you are ready
to Burst....the whole 'Thanks' part about Thanksgiving seems to be lost on a LOT of
folks these days - I was going to talk about women and relationships again....but this time I will talk about something else....how Depression can ruin your day!

I was diagnosed early in my life that I was a Chronic Depressive. This was due to my
childhood and all the crap that happened. Now I take pills and they keep me Even and 
Positive most of the time.
Today is NOT one of those days...
woke up with a headache that became a migraine and life progressed to suck ass after
that. so much so that i resolved to stay home instead of seeing a movie or going out
and that pretty much made me bitter for the rest of the day. I reflected as to Why I was
so Bitter and realized while washing dishes that yes my bitterness is about ME and that
I feel like I suck ass sideways. The more time i spend around people the more horrible
i feel. I prefer to spend time alone rather than be around people. I almost got upset 
today cause my brother needed to use my Mac! What...ThePhuck!? OVER
ok...the more I am around people the less I like then and myself cause I want them to 
or Die...Permanently!
and yet...the more time I spend by myself the more I realize I dont want to and the less I 
like myself. I don't want a GF/companion/sex object/whatever now but I...don't know if I 
want to be with someone later.
I'm not confused I'm just sayin' Bobby!
I wish I lived somewhere far away...like Italy...and had an internet connection so I could 
email and talk to friends and family but not actually SEE ANYONE!
I feel when I go out, even to work, I don't meet up to my Own standard and that I should just stay home, in the dark, and forget about Eevrything 
cause none of it matters anyway right?
in the end the only thing that Truly matters is God's will for all of us
so there
fuck everyone
and leave me alone

that's all for Now, Space-Pals!
Remember: Life is Insane. You're Not. and I'm Captain McBitterPants!