log 8

so
been thinking and feeling this past...week is it?
and I realize that I'm just
not the right person for anyone now
maybe ever
I haven't spoken with anyone
I just realized I'm being stupid
in my experience, women don't go for men
who are friends
let alone men who are fat
just being honest
and that's cool.
I'm just not gonna do anything
about this woman I've been talking about
cause i'm pretty sure she just sees me as a friend
and if thats what she needs
and makes her Happy
then that's what matters.
Will I Ever be with someone again?
who knows
but I don't think about it
anyway that's all

*ADDITIONAL -

I don't want anyone to think
I am hopeless. I just am confused.
My Reason says it won't happen
cause it Never has.
My Instinct says I don't know but
give her the benefit of the doubt,
Trust her.
My Emotion says I don't know
and I can't tell but whatthehell
give it a chance.
SO
There ya go
Confusion
As Usual
LOL
OK
That's REALLY all for now
Space-Pals!
remember: Life is Insane. You're Not

log 7

the stinking heat & humidity and making it Very difficult to sleep.
I have to take an ice - cold shower before bed!
Not Too bad cause I like those kinds of showers
but when outside is all nice and cool
and I open the door to my place
and it's as hot as an oven inside it's just STUPID!
I LIKE the heat really!
I moved from LA to here
but when its cool outside at night

and inside its like how the day was

ALL stinking night

ssss - ST - Uuuuuu - piiiiiiiiid!

so...5 hrs. & 15 min. of sleep due to heat

been thinking about this woman at work

she is on vacation for 12 days

which is Awesome

but Shit I Couldn't do that!

I'd be like "AAAAHH! Idon'tknowifIhaveenoughvacationtime! 

Loosingmoney! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

anyway

been thinking about her and me

and granted I'm Always Wrong

about who's interested in me

but she could do a Lot worse than me 

dudes

I'm just sayin'!

I guess it really depends on what's Best

for Her

and if I put my desires before her needs

then i'm just a Chump

in my own eyes

and I don't want to be a Chump

so

we'll see what happens when she comes back

Probably nuthin but ya never know....

Faith

it's all about Faith

OK

That's all for now, Space-Pals!

remember: I'm Insane....uh...Life's Insane.

                                          You're Not.

log 6.1

so I was right
after talking to some friends who know her and who know me
I realized....which i Knew already....that she was just being herself
and informing me of her life
so that's that.
It funny
not HA - HA but odd
I always think women at work are interested in me
not just Trader Joe's
but everywhere I've worked
and I'm always wrong
They don't see me as a Man
they see me as their gay friend
or girl friend
or...gay-girl friend?
I guess
I guess I'm just not what women want
or I go after the immature women?
I don't know
All I DO know is that
until I weigh 200 lbs.
I'm not gonna look / get/ whatever a girlfriend
i need someone who wants me
who says "OOH! He's Cute! And Funny! I wanna see him Nekkid!"
lol
BAH!
this shit makes me crazy!

*addendum - I just looked and people are ACTUALLY reading
what I have to say! Amazing!
....i guess i'm interesting....lol
Thank You All!
=)
I feel Awesome now!

That's all for Now, SPace-Pals!
remember: Life IS Insane. You're Not

log 6

weight: 313 (lost 2 pounds YAY!)
exercise: 30 minutes of misc. (need more)
written: 30 minutes (need more)

so...here we go again....

Been working slowly on the same story for 'Tales of Florentine' and writing was just like
doing a chore so i stopped and took a break. It gets like that sometimes and its Very annoying. I expect to write more soon.

work is the same: don't want to be there.
about the only bright spot are my friends there and one particular woman who I have knownfor a while but is recently catching my eye.
I always thought she was attractive because I look towards a woman's face first then
everything else. If I see a woman with a great body I HAVE to see her face and if she
has a face that I could live with then I'm interested.
This woman has Always had a pretty face
and a Great smile and laugh.
recently she made a point of telling me that she isn't dating anyone anymore.
I Rarely get chicks interested in me....well...wait....I can Never tell when a chick is
interested in me and I've missed out on some Fine women! But it seems like I can always
tell when a chick is Not interested in me which is most of the time.
SO i find myself struggling as to what to do next....
...i've started down a new path to loose weight, write and change my life for the Better
and I feel a relationship right now would add chaos...
...whenever I think a woman is interested in me I am ALWAYS Wrong(!)...
...the more i think about this the more i realize I'm just overreacting
like I always do with women
she just talks to me cause I'm her friend
'sigh'

finally, about two weeks ago my ma went into the hospital due to an irregular heart beat.
the symptoms she described are similar to the symptoms my step-father had before he
had his stroke. She was there for 2 days so they could monitor her then sent home.
My ma is going to be 80 next year and it never Seriously occurred to me that she could
'be sent to the glue factory' so soon. It seems like she has been always around and...
...i....just....don't really think about my ma Not being here...but I guess I should start...
...all part of getting older I guess...
OH! what's going on with my ma doesn't much to do with my decision to start the
Cotntail Venture...heh...if anything it makes me realize i need to stop thinking of myself
and realize that there are others out there who want me/my attention and who i want or
want to give my attention to.
OK
gonna try to go back to bed...that's All for Now, Space-Pals!
remember: Life is INsane. You're Not.

log 5

weight: 315
exercise: 30 minutes of aerobic (?)
written: none

SO....I hope to write updates on Sundays and maybe one or two other days
if the mood strikes me or I have something to say or something relevant happens...

stayed home from work yesterday due to a Really bad migraine
and spent most of the day in bed in the dark
feel like i fucked myself out of a days worth of cash but if you sick stay home
feel better today but still not one hundred percent.

Matt & Pat Episode 2 is tonight and they asked me to do something for it
so i recorded a little something. It's stupid in a funny-but-idiotic way, just a minute blurb

so i guess that's it for now. See you Later, Space-Pals!
remember: Life is Insane. You're Not.

log 4

weight: 315 ( lost 5 pounds Yay! )
exercise: 30 minutes of misc. stretching and aerobic exercise
writting: 2hours

so...i'm sitting here listening to the Premiere of the Matt & Pat podcast and i have to say it is too Funny! The beginning of it is about me....not sure Why they picked Me to talk about but i can lend a great deal of comedic material....as i'm sure we ALL can! lol
so I wrote for about 2 hours while I was waiting for my car to get serviced - 4 tires, alignment and tune up and oil change.
It was probably the Best writing session in a while! I just sat and wrote and didn't even notice the time. It is the first of many self contained stories for a book called
"Tales from Florentine" ( Floor-en-teen ). It's in a fantasy setting and all the tales take place
in a large city, called a city-state in this book, called Florentine.
I wont go into too many details here for the story is just in its first rough draft but it is sitting....in my head....Wanting to be written. The main character is based on a guy I know
at Trader Joe's in Danbury. I'm working on another story that is the prequel to this one in which the main character is based on another friend at TJ's Danbury.

speaking of my job....the more i write the more i just want to stay home and write. I find myself getting pissed at the customers for no reason other than they are There! This feeling is bleeding into my feelings for my co-workers as well. Most notably the women cause I have a problem relating, talking to, trusting and liking women.
I'm not gay or a cereal killer ( hehe )!
i've had sex with a woman and enjoyed it and would like to do it more often
but....does there really need to be conversation? before, after or during?
lets just fuck, get it done and go on!
but....Dave ( me ) is not built that way either so....i screw myself out of getting screwed! lol...at least i can laugh at myself right?
Having to work with them i see all this....garbage and I just think 'lame' and switch off.
which is when they want to smile at me and talk to me and so i do to be nice
when i really have 6 things running through my head then i see this woman, imagine her naked and then all the important stuff just evaporates like a mouse-fart in the wind!
can't they tell i'm concentrating? do they have to wiggle themselves near me?
'sigh'
so...being a Male i can't win....lol
anyway....writing at home would be far Less distracting and more productive and get me doing what i like to do....so....i'm working on what i can do to make that happen...

so i hope to write updates more frequently....that's all for now Space-Pals!
remember: Life is insane. You Aren't.